Conversation with my 12 years old son

Perhaps this cycle of moving from comfort to challenge and back again is what we can define as ‘evolving’. It’s a perpetual journey of self-discovery and adaptation, where each new challenge we overcome becomes a stepping stone to the next. This process of evolution isn’t just biological; it’s deeply ingrained in our psychological and emotional makeup.

Small door.

“Entering through the small door instead of the big door”

For years, perhaps even decades, I’ve pondered its essence, especially in my youth, when I aspired to be kinder than others. This ambition, noble in its intent, led me down a path of introspection. But in this journey, I discovered a startling truth: my belief in my own moral superiority was a deception, a mirage of self-righteousness. It dawned on me that this mindset was not only hypocritical but also a deviation from the true essence of the metaphor.

Jesus’s teaching about the small door isn’t merely about being ‘nicer’ than others. It’s a deeper call to humility and authenticity. The big door symbolizes the ostentatious paths of life, where recognition and accolades are the end goals. In contrast, the small door represents a less trodden, more modest path, where one’s actions aren’t driven by the desire for external validation but by genuine, heartfelt intentions.

In my journey, I’ve learned that true kindness isn’t a competition or a scale to measure one’s worth against others. It’s a quiet, persistent effort to understand, empathize, and connect — often away from the limelight, through the small door of humility and sincerity. This realization was both humbling and liberating, steering me away from the hypocrisy I unknowingly embraced and guiding me towards a more authentic understanding of virtue.

Discussion with my son

I had with my 12-year-old son. He’s incredibly sharp, especially in subjects like history, geography, and politics. However, his views often seem starkly black and white, and he expresses his opinions with a strong conviction that sometimes borders on extremity.

For instance, he adores animals, yet paradoxically, he enjoys hunting. This contradiction creates an inner conflict within him, leading him to gravitate towards extreme and uncompromising political views, particularly leaning towards a certain side. Recognizing this, I felt compelled to guide him towards a different way of thinking.

I advised him to approach discussions not with a preconceived conclusion but with an open mind, ready to listen to diverse ideas and voices. I emphasized the importance of curiosity about others’ perspectives and forming opinions only after genuinely considering these viewpoints. Such an attitude, I explained, not only broadens one’s knowledge but also helps avoid ignorance and extremism.

Example

This conversation took a turn when we discussed veganism and soy farming. My son criticized the vegan standpoint vehemently. To challenge his perspective, I asked him why not try understanding the reasons behind a vegan lifestyle, to inquire about their motives, whether it’s for the protection of commercialized or wild animals. This suggestion seemed to temper his aggravated emotions. It was a moment of realization for both of us.

Freaking Confusion

“We need to understand the reasons behind others’ views before jumping to conclusions,” I explained. My son, a bit bewildered, remarked, “Mom, you’re making me confused…” To which I replied, “Yes, it is confusing, and that’s precisely why many avoid deep thinking and prefer a simplistic ‘black and white’ view. But such a narrow mindset can be dangerous.”

Hitting me

As we conversed, a revelation struck me: perhaps this dialogue represented the ‘small door’ metaphor. It’s about embracing complexity and uncertainty, stepping away from the comfort of clear-cut answers, and venturing into the nuanced realms of understanding. In guiding my son through this labyrinth of thoughts, I was showing him how to find and walk through that small door – a path less traveled, yet rich with wisdom and insight.

In every generation and era, dominant ideologies such as democracy, capitalism, AI, diversity, and communism shape our collective thinking. These prevailing ideas often dictate what most people believe and how they perceive the world. My son, initially, couldn’t grasp the significance of maintaining an open mindset towards everything. To illustrate this point, I brought up the example of Galileo Galilei and his views on the shape of the Earth.

Another Example

I explained to him: The mainstream thought of that era was that the Earth was flat. But was this true? No. Yet, Galileo was persecuted because his revolutionary ideas challenged the prevailing beliefs. This pattern is not unique to Galileo. Why was Jesus crucified? He brought forth new ideas that contradicted the religious beliefs of the time. Why was Socrates sentenced to death? For similar reasons. History is replete with individuals who were punished or ostracized for challenging mainstream beliefs, like the witch hunts of the Middle Ages.

Tendency

The reluctance to engage in deep thought is a common human tendency. Confusion and conflict naturally deter us from critical thinking, as it often feels uncomfortable and discordant. I pointed out to my son that some astute individuals exploit this tendency for their gain, using ‘scapegoats’ to divert attention from significant issues. They manipulate the public’s view, allowing major concerns to slip by unnoticed.

Small door

This conversation was another step through the ‘small door’. It’s about recognizing the ease with which we accept prevalent ideas and the discomfort in challenging them. In teaching my son to question and explore beyond the surface, I’m encouraging him to embrace the complexities of thought and understand that what is widely accepted is not always true. It’s a lesson in thinking independently, a crucial skill in navigating a world where truths are often hidden beneath layers of conformity and convenience.

Reflect on the Daily life.

This dynamic tension is evident in the choices we face daily, from the simplicity of selecting a school to the complexity of choosing a career path. Do we opt for what feels comfortable, or do we embrace the challenge?

It’s not about decreeing one path as the definitive answer; rather, it’s about the fluid dance between comfort and challenge, a dance that varies with circumstances and personal growth. An intriguing pattern I discussed with my son is the evolution of challenge into comfort. When we bravely step into a challenge, over time, it becomes our new comfort zone. This transition, in itself, is fascinating – it suggests a restless, inherent drive-in humans to constantly seek growth and new horizons.

Evolving?

Perhaps this cycle of moving from comfort to challenge and back again is what we can define as ‘evolving’. It’s a perpetual journey of self-discovery and adaptation, where each new challenge we overcome becomes a stepping stone to the next. This process of evolution isn’t just biological; it’s deeply ingrained in our psychological and emotional makeup.

Wish

In guiding my son through these concepts, I hope to instill in him the understanding that life is not static. Embracing challenges is not just about seeking discomfort for its own sake but about recognizing the potential for growth and evolution that lies within these experiences. It’s about understanding that what may seem daunting today could become the comfort of tomorrow, and in this transformation lies the essence of human progress and personal development.