We are all interconnected.Our lives are not isolated; they intertwine with others. In a miraculous way, as I experienced this morning, my life is deeply connected to my children’s lives.

My youngest boy_Eugene

We have a special story to share about our family. I am a mom to six children. My youngest son, Eugene, was born when I was 45 years old. Before he came into our lives, I faced some tough times. I lost three babies before they were born and my body was having changes that happen when women get older, all because of the stress and sadness of dealing with my fourth daughter’s illness.

Eugene is extra special to us for many reasons. One big reason is that we were worried he might be born with the same health problems as his sister. Even the doctors who took care of our daughter were a little worried. We made plans in case Eugene was born with these health problems. When Eugene was born, he had to stay in the hospital’s special care unit for babies for a week because his lungs needed more time to grow strong. Thankfully, he didn’t have the health problem we were worried about.

A funny thing happened when I found out I was pregnant with Eugene. My doctor couldn’t believe it! When she tested my urine to see if I was pregnant, she shouted in surprise, “Kate! You are really pregnant!” It was such a shock.

A few years after he was born, a big sickness called COVID started spreading around the world. Because of this, Eugene couldn’t go to preschool like other kids. He stayed home with us. When the sickness was over, we tried to send him to preschool, but he didn’t want to go. My husband and I thought it would be best to give him some more time to get used to the idea. Just yesterday, we felt he was ready to explore the world outside our home.

Kindergarten: New world

Ever since I enrolled Eugene in kindergarten, I’ve been filled with worry. My husband is extremely fond of him and, in my opinion, spoils him quite a bit. For instance, he peels bananas for him, removes straws from drinks, feeds him, and pretty much does everything for our son. I’ve tried talking to my husband about this several times, but he’s stubborn and doesn’t seem to take my concerns seriously.

Considering Eugene’s introverted nature and his resistance to change, I’ve been particularly concerned about how he would adjust to school life. But since I have multiple same experiences with his order siblings, I did not pay attention much.

Striking

I run an online women’s community, and most of its members are based in South Korea. Due to the time difference, I typically join these meetings early in the morning before my kids go to school. Today , I accidentally joined the meeting late. I tried to share my opinion, but the host had to cut me off due to time constraints. Normally, something like this wouldn’t bother me at all. However, this time, my heart started pounding rapidly, and I felt an overwhelming desire to escape. I had never experienced such feelings in my life. It felt like a “panic attack”. After the Zoom meeting ended, I sat in my chair, frozen for about 5 minutes, trying to understand what had just happened. It was a strange and slightly shocking experience for me. I later shared this experience with my colleagues. Even after for a while , I did not understand that particular feel that pounding heartbeat and a lingering uneasiness. It was so new and unknown feeling.

Awareness

I couldn’t pinpoint the reason for my feelings until I went to school with Eugene. As we entered the school office to complete the enrollment process, met his teacher, and looked around his new classroom, my new feeling began to dissipate. When I looked into the eyes of my precious youngest boy, I saw a reflection of my own emotions. I felt a deep connection with him, understanding both his fears and curiosities about this new environment. Prior to this experience, given my own personality, I found it difficult to relate to such apprehension about the outside world.

When I looked down at my boy, holding my hand and standing close to me, I knelt to meet his eyes and hugged him. “I see you, I know you, my boy. You’ll be alright. Mom knows you,” I reassured him.

After ensuring he was settled in his classroom, I returned home and made myself a cup of coffee, reflecting on the morning’s events. I felt a deep connection with my little boy. In truth, I’ve always found it challenging to understand his fear of new experiences since I personally have never been afraid of change or new things. While I could intellectually grasp his feelings, my heart struggled to truly empathize and offer him genuine listening. However, after experiencing the unknown anxiety earlier in the morning, I now have a clearer understanding of his fears and apprehensions.

Lesson_ Connection

We are all interconnected. Today, I gained another life lesson: the importance of pursuing happiness and fulfillment. Our lives are not isolated; they intertwine with others. In a miraculous way, as I experienced this morning, my life is deeply connected to my children’s lives.

I believe a mother acts as a secondary resource for her children, supporting and guiding them until they come to understand their own independent spirits. Through today’s experience, I’ve learned to truly empathize with my child’s fears. It has equipped me to be a better listener.

Being a mom is a never-ending job, perhaps the most dignified role on Earth. However, it’s crucial that this role is performed with a deep connection to our children, as today’s experience has shown me.

I’m really thankful for this chance to learn and understand how my son feels. Even though I’ve raised six kids, I’ve learned that growing and understanding never stops. To be the best I can be, I need to understand the importance of “connection“.